The meaning of Track 01, my original contribution to the campaign, simply called “Give ’em Hope” is complex to say the least. Its overarching subject is about domestic abuse. There are 2 things going on: 1 thing is I tell 2 stories about 2-different periods in my life, and the 2nd thing going on is that in a sort of retrospective voice, I’m talking about if I were able to go back in time now, what would I say to the younger me’s, what would I do to the younger me’s abusers.

A BRIEF LOOK DEEPER INTO GIVE EM HOPE:

STORY ONE: ABUSIVE CHILDHOOD:
Growing up, my step-dad was extremely abusive to my sister and I. But it was much worse for me. Probably because my sister was his, and I was another man’s. The abuse was physical and mental. I’m shocked that I even knew my name was Brad, because of how much I was referred to as fag, sissy, pansy, and not just derogatory names exclusively about being gay, there were many more categories: retard, sped, idiot, shit head, dumb fuck, ya know, shit like that. So within the story in the song I speak not necessarily about the abuse, but about my mother’s reaction to that abuse, or more like her lack thereof. My mother, a woman I love wholeheartedly, regardless of the past, knew about the abuse, but for whatever reason she chose to ignore it, which I’ve never really blamed her for, because the few times that she did try to stand her ground, be it about the abuse, or for other reasons entirely, she’d have consequences of her own to deal with. Now considering my dad’s no longer with us now, I have to clarify that in his later life he stopped being abusive to mother, and obviously I didn’t have to deal with the abuse after I grew up and moved out. So he became a nicer guy.

STORY TWO: ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP:
The second story in the song I talk about my abusive relationship with a guy I spent 4 years with. Pretty much the same story. The time traveling me basically points out how I would have handled things differently.

The ultimate part of the song, the part that every person who’s in that sort of dynamic in their lives currently, although they don’t know it yet, those people will move on eventually, and not live in that fear. And they might try to fight to stay in that situation for dumb reasons love, etc, but once they’ve been free for a few months they’ll realize they love their life, and wonder why they ever stayed in such a negative situation for so long. And that speaks not only about the people in bad romantic relationships, but of kids who deal with abuse in their home life, but are too afraid to take a stand and call the authorities on their abusive parents. My advice, do it. In the end, after all is said and done, you’ll be so glad you did.

Similarly to the first song, the meaning of my 2nd contribution to the campaign, entitled “Give ’em Hope Again” is another “what if I was able to time travel” sort of thing. Only in this case it’s about me traveling back to save someone else. And instead of saving them from domestic abuse, I’m saving them from ending their life, due to bullying. I think it was around the time that many gay youths were making news for killing themselves over bullying.

The song speaks of a depressed “little gay boy” who just couldn’t cope with the depression anymore, couldn’t handle the bullies, so he kills himself. When he did so, or when any person considering suicide for that matter, is on their final straw, they’re really over the “oh I’ll kill myself, I’ll show them,” thing, and they’re in such a dark place that they really don’t care about the emotional harm that their act will cause. They have basically come to such a negative emotional state of their own that they stop caring about others feelings. And it’s a good thing the individual doesn’t know what their suicide will do to the bullies, because the for the bullies, their lives go on, and they really don’t care about you. The only people you’re hurting are 2 sets of people, the ones who knew and loved you, and the ones that didn’t know you, but who are like you. And that’s what I touch down on in the song, how your suicide is not triggering that emotion you never got from the bullies, so aside from that, the song speaks about how I’d help the little gay boy if I were able to go back in time -before it was too late.

The interesting thing about this track is that it’s the exact same instrumental that was used for the first one. At this point in the game I think I decided that I’d continue making inspirational songs for the Give ‘em Hope Campaign, and therefore the instrumentals were different for all the rest of the tracks. The vocal melodies and harmonies are pretty contrast between this track And the one before it, but the rap (though different words) sounded similar.

Track 03, my 3rd contribution to the campaign, is called “It’s Hope.”
So much to say about this track. Well let’s start with the music itself. The instrumental is completely contrast to the 2 prior songs. See what’s happening is I’m rapidly creating music. And not just songs, but entire albums of music between each GEH song I do, and when I have enough songs, I give them an album of their own. But the point being is that a lot of time has passed between the give em hope tracks, and obviously by then the way I create music, the styles, the programs I use, the mics, just everything, everything is different by each new song.

The lyrics of the song are pretty much something every country boy can relate to. It’s pretty much about town or small city life. A place you’ve lived for years of your life. Not necessarily where everyone knows your name, but where enough of them do. Same tired faces, same “my shit don’t stink” attitudes; in the same ole places, same ole venues, same bars, same ole neighbor crack heads. Same ole closeted gay boys. Or butch ones trying to blend in. It’s about trying to survive in this type of place, with these people, and a lot of the time it’s a lot of looking straight ahead or down at the sidewalk as you walk down the street. It’s dodging the gossip queens in the clothing department, or dodging the hookup whores in the produce isle. The song is basically about gay-on-gay hate, and how to overcome that. And the real answer to that question, “why’s it like this?” is simply: don’t partake in the events that you’re not into, with the people you’re not into. And it’s really as simple as that.

My 4th contribution to the campaign is called “Fatal Attraction”
This is the first contribution by me that didn’t have the word “Hope” in the title.

It’s actually a very old song. I wrote it back in 1997 about a guy I was in love with, or as they would always tell me “A guy I was obsessed with.” He was straight, and normally I don’t try to fall for the straight ones, but because of a cruel joke a couple of my friends played on me, I fell in love with him. What’d they do? Eh, I’ll tell you another time. Remind me to tell you in another 10 to fifteen years.

The words of the song speak of my very over-the-top obsession or romantic feelings for this guy, and how it was really unhealthy because I was too scared to approach him about my feelings. I was very young, very dumb, and easily manipulated I guess. Anyway, the lyrics paint an extremely accurate picture of just how hopeless I was feeling. I was a gay teenager fresh out of the closet, with my second crush ever. Purely coincidental that they were both straight ha! Where they have these feelings for someone who they’re too scared to approach, or who has flat out rejected them, they know just what a dark place that is to be in, and how bleak the future looks.

What makes this story, and this song hopeful, is that I amended the lyrics to reflect how I now feel about that situation, at the very end of the song. Almost hard to believe I’m the same guy I was. So yes, even romance can have its low points, but the good news is, obsession ends eventually, and you are free to love again.

Track 05, my 5th contribution to the campaign, is called “Gave Joshie Hope.”
This is an interesting song. It’s about Bradley talking to a suicidal-looking Joshie, because he notices he looks unhappy. A hopeless Joshie tells Bradley that he wants a husband and family and feels like it’s never going to happen, and Bradley sees how upset this appears to make Joshie, and therefore gives him words of encouragement.

So he sits Joshie down and coaches him. He tries giving him some hope, and while Bradley’s doing so he realizes that he’s sort of in the same boat as Joshie. Bradley’s problem was that he felt alone, and by talking to Joshie, he realized that he was no longer alone. The very kindhearted act of helping Joshie, also saved him.

It just shows you that there are genuinely kindhearted people in this world, and if you’re that kindhearted individual, and you see someone struggling in their lives, or their demeanor is gloomy, if you stop and talk to them, the positive affect you have on that individual may just save their life, and perhaps even help you in the meantime.

My 6th contribution to the campaign is called “Inspiration”
This, and my prior 5th contribution came from the same period of time. They both belonged to my 2014 album “Coming Out… As Old.” This song, unlike the previous one, was written completely last minute. It was very spontaneous.

Inspiration has quite a unique meaning behind it. It’s about a guy going to the gym and working out. Clever right? Haha. It’s actually about a little bit more than that. The dude first announced that he wanted to buff up a little bit, and claimed he was gonna get himself to the gym in an effort to live more healthy and feel better about himself when he looked in the mirror. See, the guy had just gone through a breakup, and rather than wallow in self-pity, he actually took that experience and turned all that heartbreak into an enormous burst of energy.

His story which is a true story, probably factually fabricated somewhat, to protect privacy, but because I sort of witnessed this complete 180 I was completely envious, bordering jealous, wishing I had that sort of discipline. What made the situation inspirational is that he wasn’t one of those gym buffs who would constantly rub their progress in your face. One of those ones who take gym slash mirror selfies every single day, and begin appearing shirtless in every single video and picture that they share online. Almost as if they got such a big head that they can no longer get a shirt over it. The guy the songs about is nothing like that. Far from self-indulgent. And that’s the true inspirational part of the story.

Track 07, my 7th contribution to the campaign, is called “Never Gonna Blend In Gave Me Hope”

This was quite a strange contribution in contrast to my previous 6 contributions. It was the first time I attempted to donate my song into not 1, but 2 movements, okay well 1 movement, and one that should be a movement. David Watters, father of not only the Give ‘em Hope campaign, but father of the blog and book, entitled Never Blend In. So obviously the song was meant to be a tip of the hat to David’s other activism. Sadly, once I listened to the final song, and read along with the lyrics, I realized I had called it “Never GONNA Blend In Gave Me Hope” and not simply “Never Blend In Gave Me Hope” because the book, and the blog are called never blend in not never gonna blend in. But it was still a nice gesture. I think so anyway. My intentions were good.

The song is obviously about not blending in. A lot of the time, particularly gay males, they try appearing more masculine than they actually are. And part of the reason they do this is to blend in. The subject of not blending in can actually be applied to anyone who is battling the social norm. Be it the setting in high school, be it in community college, the work world, the media, the advocacy circles. It’s a pretty broad universal subject.

The song specifically speaks of my childhood and early adulthood. Being a gay closeted boy my entire childhood didn’t stop the harsh bullying I endured. I did my best to blend in, and failed. The rotten way kids can be with their peers can sort of trickle onto the victim in such a way that they start believing what the bullies are telling them about themselves, and thus they begin putting themselves down too.

The song’s story continues:
At some point in late childhood/early adulthood I became Aware of an entire world that I hadn’t realized was there. It was a world full of love, self-expression, security, and activism. In this world I, and people like me, could be themselves, and not have to worry about constant scrutiny and/or preconceived notions. In this world no one cared one way or another who you loved, or where you went to school, or where you worked or came from. It was an accepting, loving, nurturing world. (Ah, 90s gay scene. Certainly not what we see in today’s digital landscape.)

Throughout your life, during the good times, and the bad times. During the bullying, or criticism, or violence, there are people there for you. Even if you sometimes don’t notice them. They’re always there loving you, coaching you, guiding you, even when you feel alone, out of place, and unloved. The song speaks of those who have given me hope throughout my life.

My 8th contribution to the campaign is called “You’ve Got to Have Hope & Pride.”

There are several things I wanna tell you about this song. Let me start with the most interesting. The vocal melody and many of the lyrics in the hooks and chorus closely resemble a song I co-wrote with my bandmates a few years ago while in an all-gay boy band called “Gay Guys.” The song was called “You’ve Got To.” But I’m not going to spend the time to tell you about that song, I’ll instead tell you what I turned those few words and rifts into on this song.

Remember the meaning of the song I donated prior to this one? It was about not blending in but focused more on how I got from childhood into adulthood, this song only briefly talks about how I got from point A to point B and focuses more on already living in point B.

Point B being a world full of activism, pride, and learning to love one’s self. I speak of how long and hard the battle for human rights has been for the gay community.

I also encourage listeners to not waste precious time throughout their lives with shrinks or religious leaders, or so-called conversion therapists, because the only real cure for what ails you, is realizing that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. You’re gay. The sooner you get over it, the sooner the world of Point B will open up to you, revealing an entire parallel world of love and acceptance you didn’t know was there before. And it was there all along just waiting, all you needed was a little hope, and a little pride. And as soon as you have pride, the haters, be they family, be they school peers, be they co-workers, they can’t touch you. They can no longer bring you down. They can’t insult you by calling you something you’re proud to be. They therefore lose their effect over you.

Track 09, my 9th contribution to the campaign, is called “Gays on the Radio.”
Gays on the radio is such a fun little song. This is definitely one of my favorites. Much like track 7 was to track 8, track 8 is to track nine, the same thing. Oh-em-gee I’m not even sure I understood that. What I’m trying to say is that this song, and the 2 previous songs all speak of different aspects of the same subject. Yeah, not sure I get it yet, but at least that was easier to say. Oh well, moving on…

The last song only touched down on the subject of this song, by saying that we’ve had a long hard fight to get how far we’ve gotten. In this song I somewhat comedically talk about some of those accomplishments, tongue in cheek.

Verse 1 speaks of the accomplishments we’ve made. Hook One goes on to say that we didn’t get this far by sitting around twitting our thumbs, we worked our asses off to get here.

The chorus is pure comedy. It’s actually been criticized for being untrue. Someone once said to me “Um, I think gays are on the radio.” So basically I’ll just tell you this: The chorus paints the picture of a world I’d like to see as dominant, not watered down for family TV, or songs with a gay theme played less than ones with a straight theme, or more gay rodeos. In my perfect little fantasy world gays are the prominent citizens, and straights take the back seat.

Then verse 2 goes on to talk about some actual legislation that we’ve been and are currently fighting, and hook 2 goes on to talk about how we won’t accomplish anything if we just sit around doing nothing, waiting for it to happen.

My 10th contribution to the campaign is called “I Forgive You.”
This song, ahh the many things to say. Whelp first off it was introduced to the internet originally on an early recordings album of mine entitled “BaforiaBase En’ Basseria” on December 31st, 2006. I wrote the original version of this song back in 1997. I was still very much a child. I later (like months ago) added the inspirational ending so that I could donate the song to the Give ‘em Hope campaign. I thought it fit in perfectly with my 9 previous contributions.

Anyway, back to teeny bopper Brad. I wrote the music, and the lyrics, then I asked a couple friends of mine if either of them would like to write a rap for it, and perform that rap on the song. My friend Vance Stroman was interested, and ended up writing a rap, and recorded it with me. But it wasn’t anything professional. It was just us guys fooling around in the flat using a rickety old karaoke machine and a pair of broken headphones with a pair of lesbians having sexual relations in the next room. Suffice it to say that tape recording didn’t earn us any Grammys lol.

Then a couple months later still, in 1997 my roommate, boyfriend, and musical companion (all the same guy) took to an actual recording studio. He and I would go on to record in studios a few times over the years. Anyway, he didn’t have anything to do with recording process of I Forgive You, and Vance for whatever reason wasn’t able to attend, so it was just me. So I rapped his part in place of him. So he did get, and continues to get writing credit for his part of the song.

So anyway, years later, after I began recording independently and on my own system, I released an early recording album, which as I said at the beginning of this song’s description is where the song first appeared online. I’m not sure I’d ever re-recorded it before the Give ‘em Hope song or not, I have so many songs, and re-record and re-release frequently so who knows, but anyway for the Give ‘em Hope version of the song I tweaked Vance’s rap to make it more hopeful, and canned some of the parts that were bleak. I also shortened it considerably. Then to close the song out in a positive manner I wrote some additional lyrics to make the song more positive. The song was left sort of inconclusive prior to this version. Not necessarily negative, but it didn’t offer that same high level of hope that my other contributions had.

Speaking of this version of the song. I sent the demo version of this version of the song along with the lyrics (which were still incomplete) to fellow gay bandmate singer/songwriter Joshua P Kennedy of WeAreThem and told him, just sing the lead vocals right along with me, and send me back your raw vocals for mixing. I knew not to ask a lot of him because he had time-consuming projects of his own going on and equipment difficulties, and I didn’t wanna be pushy. Plus, I’d been wanting him to be a part of the Give em Hope campaign in some capacity for quite some time, and having him on the song meant I’d finally accomplish that goal. Plus, from releasing a whole CD of material with him for WeAreThem, I know how delicious we sound in unison. So I’m so glad I got him to record vocals for it. So happy with the outcome.

Which I suppose leads me to the subject of the song. The song, having been written when I was so young, is even at that point a retrospective song about forgiving those who’d bullied me throughout my childhood. So forgiveness is kind of positive, It takes a lot of courage to forgive bullies for needlessly and relentlessly mistreating you your whole life, but it wasn’t positive enough message in the song. The more positive aspect of the song is realizing I should have never yearned for their love and acceptance in the first place. And that’s the real hope I can offer you. Tidbit of advice? Don’t seek out love and acceptance from those who don’t offer their love and acceptance at no cost to you or with conditions. There are people, even if you don’t yet have them in your life, who will love and accept you for who you are, unconditionally. Trust me I know of what I speak.

Track 11, my 11th contribution to the campaign, is called “Give ’em Hope You Double Slash”
Strange title right? Okay, so I managed to get the campaign name in there, the name of the original song, and I actually got to have something called a “double slash” in a title, which doesn’t really make a lot of sense, unless you hear the song, or are aware that it’s my 11th contribution to the Give ‘em Hope campaign. Double slash is actually just a cool, hip-sounding way to say “eleven.” This song has been reincarnated so many times it’s not even funny. Until now the song has always been simply called “You.”

The subject of the song, goes back to the first Give ‘em Hope song I did in similarity. It’s about domestic abuse. The original versions of this song included former recording artist Jeannie. She actually has writing credit on this song for having written the second verse of the song. I think her lyrics were about an out of state guy that she was dating when she was just a teenager living at home that she met online. He was abusive to her, as was my dad, which I sing about in my verse, so the 2 stories complimented each other.

The updated version of this song has a happier ending, and I tweaked a lot of the original lyrics to give them a more positive meaning. The hopeful part of the story that’s shared in the song is that I made it from being an abused child to an adult. I no longer mentally dwell in the dark place I came from. And a lot of people who’ve dealt with domestic abuse in their lives, the ones who survived it, they now know the same thing I do: There is life outside of that despicable place you might live in right now. But the ones who live there currently, they don’t realize there’s sunshine at the end of that dark and gloomy tunnel. They just lay there in their sheltered solitude. They’re there right now, dying a slow death. They have no hope. They’re in their room hiding from their abusive dad. They go to their room because it’s the only place in the house that they can even feel half safe -and that’s a generous figure. In order to get there, they had to stand outside the trailer door for a few minutes just to gather up the mental strength to actually open the door, because though they don’t know to what extent of depravity they’ll get when they face what’s on the other side, they know it’ll be ugly either way. So they briskly walk in, and try to move fast, and rush past the devil, and down the hall, closing their door softly behind them in hopes they didn’t do anything to warrant negativity from Satan onto themselves. They’ll lay there in their bed until they’re made to get up by their captors, or maybe their dad is having a good day, and has friends over smoking some of the pot he just sold said friends, out in the living room, so the abused victim stands there patiently by his bedroom door listening to their conversation intently, waiting, just hoping that their dad says something nice about them to his friends. In their poor sheltered lives, they believe that it’s those little bones they get thrown that are the only thing keeping them alive. Needless to say, I lived to talk about it. And now I’ve lived to sing about it. And I’m no longer bitter about it. You won’t be either. You’ll see.

My 12th contribution to the campaign is called “Pulsating Hope.”

Originally, my twelfth song was going to be my final one. It was also not even going to be this song. It was going to be the one I had already started, which went on to be my 13th contribution due to the fact that this song was written as a last-minute addition to the campaign. But as far as how this song came about. Well, I wrote it the day after my mother’s 56th birthday. In fact, her birthday will from now until forever be shared with the horrible tragedy that occurred at Pulse Nightclub in Orlando, FL, USA. Very unfortunate. Could you imagine having to share such a meaningful day of your life with such a tragic day in history?

The song has a very simple meaning. Even though something bad just happened, there is still hope. There will be a better tomorrow. And that’s basically it. I wrote the song as a way for people to focus on the positive after such a tragic event.

Track 13, my 13th and final contribution to the campaign, is called “Matthew & Brandon.”
Originally the song was going to be based solely on a gay guy named Matthew, but I sat on the song for such a long time, that it gave it time to morph into something more. It was basically originally just going to be another song about high school bullying, but went on to also tell the stories of Matthew Shepard and Brandon Teena. I figured I wanted the Give ’em Hope album to end on a powerful note, and who’s the biggest gay icon that was killed for being gay? There are gazillions, but his story is unavoidable. It’s impossible not to hear Matthew Shepard when the phrase hate crime is spoken.

I knew I wanted to reserve half the song in order to tell someone else’s story, but I wasn’t sure who that was yet. So I set out to find a lesbian’s tragic story to tell, but upon searching archives I found a more compelling story in, not a lesbian, but in a trans guy’s violent end. So as I was reading up on Brandon’s story it hit me that I’d heard the story before, but I couldn’t remember how. Then, upon doing an image search for Brandon a picture popped up that showed his grave stone, and a person standing in front of it. So I clicked the picture to enlarge it, and it was my YouTube trans friend Beck. And then it all came back to me. Beck and his girlfriend had gone on a road-trip and while out, they visited Brandon’s old stomping ground. So at that point I knew beyond a shadow of doubt that it was Brandon’s story that I was gonna tell.

The conclusion to the song, and to the contributions for that matter, is a very positive message to the gay community: And that is: Look how far we’ve come. We have a long way to go, but just look how much progress we’ve made.